Dear NASA

I was watching Star Wars last night at midnight. Not the stupid new Star Wars, but the old one, where the forces of good face their innermost demons and the heroes and villains are powerful sorcerors whose magical tradition has survived on planet-force throughout centuries of imperialist technology. The moon was full in Aquarius, and somewhere on earth, people were watching a lunar eclipse (For the full run-down, check out my friend Rhea's Full Moon Report here). I got to the part in the movie where Darth Vader is trying to break Princess Leia ("her resistance to the mind-probe is STRONG...") and then that ugly evil dude makes her watch as he blows up her peaceful home planet Alderon with the Death Star when it hit me--OH MY GOD. THEY'RE GOING TO BLOW UP THE MOON.
I turned off the movie and went outside. I've often felt like I could get a sense of the emotional climate of the world (or at least my world) by reading the expression on the Moon's face. Looking at the moon last night, I wanted to cry.
And I decided to write an open letter to NASA. Here it is:

Dear NASA.
Are you INSANE? You're rocket scientists. You're supposed to be smart. bombing the moon is the stupidest idea I've ever heard. Yes, I know there are already craters on the moon and asteroids hit it and stuff, and we probably won't even SEE the 5-mile chasm that your 2-ton load is going to blow. But do you really have any idea what you are DOING?? Don't you know the moon controls our tides, our crops--all bodies of water? Don't you know that human bodies are like, MOSTLY water? And I don't care Mr. rocket scientist that you don't bleed it out every month--don't go releasing your man-period energy by blowing up stellar bodies, okay?!? And I'm not worried about the alien inhabitants like some internerds out there, but I'll tell you one thing I know--the GODDESS is going to be fucking PISSED. You don't just go and blow up the Goddess's son/lover like that. Are you crazy? Don't you know 2012 is coming up? Of course you do, you know everything. So you should know that it's probably not a good time to start fucking with planetary orbits and gravitational pulls. It all started with demoting Pluto the other year--you KNOW he was pissed. And though he may have sunk into a deep depression (or was that me), he's still here, (in retrograde, in Capricorn for the next 248 YEARS) and he's surely not fucking around. So my point is, you better not send that man-missile into space or else I'm gonna--What? It's ALREADY UP THERE?! You took advantage of the fact that the following week the entire world was in mourning over MJ to just slide it in under the radar, right? Well, I can say with conviction that the Moonwalker would NOT be happy about this. NOT AT ALL.
You know what I"m really hoping? I hope I wake up tomorrow and find that this is all a big joke. People will laugh and tell me how gullible I am to believe such a thing. Bomb the Moon? Yeah, right. And I bleed from my crotch for 5 days every month and don't die. Give me a break.

No, but seriously ya'll. Don't let them do this.